Making babies
In early August 2018, Meg blindsided me with information that AJ was ready “to send ‘im,” i.e., keen to load Bob onto his farewell trailer ride, the one-way trip to the “knackerman” (a term I learned from our childhood British au pair meaning abattoir, which is of course a delicate French word for the ever so horrendous Americanized translation - slaughter house). Poor Bob! Since Dr. Barry had taken care of his increasing testosterone levels with a quick crunch with the Double Crush Emasculator tool, I was finding Bob to be a rather pleasant fellow, and he was a very suitable mate for Pip. He wasn’t even a year old, and we still had plenty of pasture for his “beefing up”. Nonetheless, a few weeks later AJ broke up with Meg, so I should have been more attuned to this urgency as a warning signal of more trouble ahead. Needless to say, Bob was compliant – easy enough for Meg, AJ and I to load onto the trailer, and off he went.
The one positive outcome of Bob’s early departure was finally being able to release the young Black Angus twins, Tinker and Belle, from the confines of their stall (see post, “1st Summer”). I had deferred to AJ’s experienced advice that Bob might have attempted to rough them up, risking injuring one or both of the calves, so they spent weeks locked up in an old horse stall eating dusty hay while Pip and Bob indulged in the abundant summer grasses growing outside their door. The minute Bob departed the door finally opened. Pip was thrilled! Her instinctive maternal role kicked in once again, and she immediately took her new charges under her wing, and off they went into the pasture for their morning graze.
While on the subject of Pip’s maternal instincts, this story needs to rewind a few weeks to early July after finally making the professional decision that I would commit to another year being a milk maid. My education thus far dictated that in order for a dairy cow to continue producing milk, she would need to birth a calf once a year. By mid-summer 2018, Pip had already been lactating continuously for over 13 months, so I was concerned that I was not following appropriate bovine protocols. Without delay, I parked myself in front of my computer and poured over endless websites seeking all there was to learn about AI (the other one… Artificial Insemination). Then I circled back with my mentor and Pip’s former owner Randy from Kiss the Cow Farm who informed me that I would have to contact “Genex,” and he gave me their website address along with the contact information of our regional rep - the guy in our neck of the woods who shows up to make this all happen.
Perusing the website was like a combination of online shopping and online dating. So many choices! I had no idea how to prioritize with page upon page of pictures of studly looking bulls, all with straws of semen available to impregnate my sweet little Jersey. First criteria – what breed was I looking for? Even though Pip had been a delightfully pleasant animal, I had already concluded that owning one dairy cow in my lifetime would be enough. Hard work and heavy lifting are themes that I live by but caring for a dairy cow demonstrated that even I have my limits. If Pip ended up birthing a heifer (female), I knew that I would not be raising her to keep my dairying efforts in perpetuity. Since I wasn’t interested in having another dairy cow, I decided to explore the possibility of cross breeding Pip with a beef breed bull.
A good bull will pass on all the best of his characteristics, so the first step was deciding what I wanted my calf to look like. That was easy. I have a penchant for red cows so I focused exclusively on the Red Angus pages. In addition, Red Angus are not inclined to produce monstrous offspring. The Jersey/Angus crossbreed seemed likely to be a more modest size at birth and hopefully not likely to create complications during delivery due to the calf getting stuck in the birth canal or something similarly dreadful because the fetus was too big. Red Angus, check. “Lock ‘n Load,” “Marksman,” “Commando,” seriously, these were the names I was perusing. Determining that scrotal size didn’t really matter to me, I ultimately streamlined my search criteria by the number of check marks noted for “calving ease rating” in conjunction with the actual birthweight of the bull. I figured the smaller the bull was at birth, the better. I didn’t want Pip to have any trouble slipping this calf out. I ultimately settled on “Redemption.” Four checks for calving ease and only 62 lbs. at birth. Icing on the cake, Redemption was “the top selling Red Angus bull of all time at Genex.” Pip’s calf was going to be a rock star!
The arcane process of making arrangements for the AI guy to come and impregnate my cow required me to first note Pip being in “standing heat.” Cows, like all animals tend to enjoy a little roughhousing with one another, and this frequently presents as one cow clumsily launching their front legs onto the back of another – kind of what one might imagine a bull would have to do if he was trying to copulate. In most circumstances, however, the cow being jumped on rejects the overture and gives the jumper a good buck to get the hell off. Notwithstanding, approximately every 21 days when the jumped upon cow is in heat she doesn’t react, rather, she just stands there. Hence the term “standing heat.”
One early July morning, I headed down to the barn for milking and found Pip and Bob hanging out in the back pasture in the shade of an apple tree. Before my very eyes, Bob heaved his front half on top of Pip’s back end, and she just stood there! It was time to get the AI guy! Unfortunately, my only instructions for the next steps were rather cryptic. I was to call Genex’s automated 800 number and leave a voice message with the address of the barn and instructions to have the cow properly secured inside. I was under the impression that once I witnessed the Stand, there would only be about 24 hours for insemination to be viable, so I assumed the guy would show up sometime later in the day. I carried on with my milking duties, left Pip locked in the stall, drafted a very detailed note for the guy with my name, phone number, the registration number of the bull semen straw I had selected, and how to drive to my house in case he didn’t have cell service and needed my help handling my cow. I just had to wait, and I was a wreck. I had expended a colossal amount of energy getting organized for this, and I wanted it to work out. And somehow it just did.
The Genex insemination guy showed up when I happened to be back down in the barn. He didn’t even need to read my note. Accompanied by a very sweet 20-something female trainee, the three of us navigated the process from greetings to payment in about 10 minutes. Unfortunately, after having dug around in the box of dry ice and semen straws, Mr. Genex guy determined he was fresh out of Redemption’s. Fortunately, I was happy to accept his recommendation of “Red Rock” who happened to be quite a specimen on paper as well as son to the former aforementioned.
Holding onto the lead line attached to Pip’s collar, it was quite evident that Pip had done this before and was not in the slightest bit fazed. She just stood there, perfectly content while the trainee slipped her gloved arm up her ass for purposes of manipulating the opening of the cervix. Then, with Red Rock’s jizz attached to the tip, the girl slid the long plunger gently into Pip’s vagina. Quick squirt, plunger out, arm extracted from ass, insemination complete. Positive report - Pip’s cervix was nice and soft, and $25 later, chances for implantation were good.
